Genel D. Ronquillo

When you do something for somebody else, it always seems so simple. You just want to help. But in fact, you’re forming a relationship with that person. And it’s just as complicated as any relationship you can have. And like any other relationship, if you’re not attentive to what the person actually wants, it’s easy to blunder, which is why doing good for others is so difficult. In certain religions, the question of how to do good is a kind of obsession. Among my people, your Jews, it was traditionally a very big deal. In fact, one way to understand all Jewish law is as a set of instructions for doing good in the world. A set of instructions, I should say, so complicated, spanning so many centuries and thinkers, that in the 12th century, a philosopher named Maimonides actually made a crib sheet summarizing it all by listing the eight different ways that a person can do good for others.

He listed in order of preference, from least desirable to the most. The lowest level of doing for others is giving grudgingly. Then there’s giving less than you should but giving it cheerfully. Then giving after being asked. Then giving before being asked. And it continues on up through the most meritorious way to give, which is, tellingly, enabling the person you’re helping to become self-sufficient so they don’t need the help anymore.